i know the way by heart
by stormcages
Summary: Sometimes, lovers where disguises. Sometimes, lovers come home. Femme!12/River Song.


One time, when River sat in the library working on her thesis, the Doctor visited her. Well, really, he visited her all the time when she worked; he liked to take her on spring break and summer break and it's-a-Tuesday-so-come-with-me breaks. So, when River heard the familiar sound, she smirked to herself and tucked a curl behind her ear. She closed the book with an impatient snap and turned in her chair with a witty retort poised on her tongue.

The Doctor smiled brightly at her from the TARDIS doorframe and offered a wave. "Hello, River." The wave was shy, the greeting even shyer.

River's smile softened and she stood up, walking over.

"Hello, sweetie."

"So, you like it?" she asked, her eyebrows wriggling.

She smiled and smoothed her hands over new shirt and new shoulders. Her Doctor was wearing a knitted sweater of blue and cream, jeans, and white canvas shoes. On the sweater hung a pin wrought of gold and silver in the shape of a cat. Her eyes were blue and her hair was finally, finally red.

"Long hair. And finally a ginger, sweetie?"

"Finally!"

The relief that went through the Doctor was palpable. She grinned in spite of herself; here was River and she didn't seem to mind. Not one bit. She'd been so worried that River wouldn't even recognize her, that she would greet her with politeness, with necessity. Not love. Still, the smile was shy. Where were they for her?

River kissed her Doctor. The kiss tasted like promises and sweet rain and the sound of water over stones. When River pulled back and began to play with her red hair, the Doctor finally let her guard down enough to pull River into an embrace. River chuckled lightly as she held on just as tightly.

"My Doctor," she murmured. "I waited for you."

Once, River sat against a tree, her eyes shut. The Aio had disappeared a few minutes ago but she couldn't quite remember their search patterns well enough to determine whether they'd be back and, if so, when. She was listening so carefully to the sounds of the forest around her that the sudden screeching sound of the TARDIS with her brakes fully deployed scared her, but she immediately jumped up to run to the doors. Just as she was about to pull them open, the Doctor emerged covered in scratches and dirt. Her jumper had been slashed and her hair was a complete mess and she fell into River's arms almost immediately.

"Hold me," she whispered.

River maneuvered them into the TARDIS, shutting the door behind her with her heel. Frantically, she set the Doctor down and removed the thick sweater from her body and pressed an ear to one heart, the other. River shook as unsteady hands made their way along the Doctor's chest, searching for any fatal wound. Frowning, River listened carefully at the Doctor's mouth for a moment before suddenly swinging her leg over her and straddling her waist, leaning in close.

"Doctor. You are holding your breath."

The Doctor grinned before exhaling quickly. She opened her eyes and continued to flash a brilliant smile in the attempt to placate her River.

"Wanna know where I got all these scratches?" she asked, motioning to her arms and shoulders.

River sat up and shrugged her shoulders.

"I suppose so."

The Doctor scrunched her face in mock anger. River had sucked all the fun out of telling. Crossing her arms, the Doctor turned away from her wife, focusing on the muted colors of the TARDIS and the feel of cool metal on her skin.

River swung her leg from around the Doctor and moved to curl up on the floor beside her. The silence stretched out languidly between them as the Doctor raised her hands up to the ceiling, staring at her own hands. River watched her.

"… Are you going to ask?"

"I was waiting for you, dear."

"Yeah, well, keep waiting."

River shut her eyes, a small smile pulling at her lips. She intertwined her fingers with the Doctor's.

"Okay."

And once, River and the Doctor span through space. The Doctor pursed her lips as she watched River falter with a stray vortex loop. River's hand went for a spot four inches above the one where the actual vortex loop was, only to grasp thin air. She quickly corrected her mistake.

She caught her looking.

"Old habits die hard," River shrugged, pulling the last trans-dimensional gear shift into place. She moved so that the Doctor couldn't see her.

The Doctor gave a little spin and moved the other way around the console to watch River, her eyes intent. River avoided her gaze, focusing instead on buttons and levers and shifts and the Doctor's hand over hers.

"Your hand was… You flew… Not my TARDIS."

"You're right."

"… River. Whose TARDIS were you flying?"

It wasn't like them to play this game, this game of where-have-you-been. They'd synced diaries, they'd made new diaries, and still the Doctor felt like a new face, like she wasn't used to this body, this dynamic yet. With her last regeneration, River hadn't been so thoughtful, so cautious. It ate at her to see her stumble over herself, to be so on her toes.

"Yours."

"But your hand reached for a knob that wasn't there."

"You're right."

"River!"

River glanced up from the console at the Doctor. The Doctor found her breath had stopped. Closing her eyes, the Doctor just nodded and turn around the console again, flicking half a dozen switches. River turned and leaned against the console. On the other side, the Doctor mirrored her. In perfect syncopation, they both slid down to sit against the console, heads back to listen and feel the thrum of the TARDIS beneath them.

For the Doctor, the TARDIS was a song that felt like home. The song rang beautifully in her ears. She understood. But if anyone asked her what the TARDIS had said, she'd have half a second's pause before she'd make it up. Her TARDIS still kept secrets, even from her.

"I've seen them all," River whispered. The Doctor cocked her ears. "I've seen every face you've ever had, every dress that _she's_ been in. And they're all so beautiful, so handsome. So sometimes, I forget. The TARDIS I thought of for that half second was your seventh regeneration's."

"I don't remember that—"

"As you shouldn't. I made sure of that."

The Doctor raised a hand to feel at her lips. They tingled with a memory half frozen, baked onto nerve cells like icing.

"Oh, River, River, River… You'll forgive an old, jealous woman her worries, will you?"

"Only if you forgive mine."


End file.
